


The book

by Existing_to_multiship



Series: Fiveya Week 2020 [5]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: F/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27417343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Existing_to_multiship/pseuds/Existing_to_multiship
Summary: Fiveya Week: Day 5 - GuiltHe finds the book on that first day.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: Fiveya Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998841
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21
Collections: fiveya week (round 2)





	The book

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh yes, my works continue to get shorter and shorter as this challenge goes on.

He finds the book on that first day, when the reality of who those people lying dead on the ground truly were hasn’t sunken in yet. When he’s still being completely irrational and hoping that he’ll wake up, or he’ll turn and someone, anyone, will be there. 

He wants Vanya. It's an irrational thought, but if he’s stuck here for forever then at least he’ll have her. He’ll have his best friend. 

Five is still despairing when he finds the book. Extra ordinary. It’s surprisingly, physically, ok. As are many others he collects. It has a striking image of her, still dressed in the academy uniform, with her perfectly straightened bangs. The cover tinted slightly more brown than Five remembers the original poster to be. 

It’s about them, he understands immediately. 

He wants to know. 

Needs to know. 

His family is a mess. Five’s always known that. He can’t imagine age didn’t simply intensify that fact. Then of course Vanya. Five needs to know if she was ok. Maybe he has a bit of a saviour complex, but when your sister is neglected by everyone she knows, it’s hard not to want to change that fact. 

Vanya’s words don’t quite read like the girl he remembers, but, at the same time they do. 

When she talks through Klaus and Ben’s attempts to climb out of a second story window, while she watches from her room where they can’t see her. It’s her, amused, and shy, and nervous about witnessing this. Or when she starts discussing how she enjoys literature, and books, and the art of writing.

But when she discusses how she likes playing the violin, or watches Diego get into increasingly damaging arguments and fights with luther? 

It doesn't feel like her.

It feels like a woman who has suffered through her life, and can't see any hope in these situations. He suppose she has, she saw Diego leave and her career in the orchestra turn to nothing. 

Who saw Allison and Luther’s relationship fracture, Ben die, Five leave, and Klaus become increasingly dependent on drugs to feel ok. Who lived through the people she loved, and cared about hurt, and be in pain, and leave her. 

Five knows he could’ve stopped some of that. 

Ben’s death for one. He could’ve saved Ben for fucks sake. Somehow. Someway. Five he- he could’ve 

Yet he didn’t, because he ran away. 

Because he was being a fucking kid, and got himself stuck who knows how far in the future, in an apocalyptic wasteland. 

The seasons get colder the longer he lives in the apocalypse. He continues to read Vanya’s book. 

There's a lot written about in there. 

There's a lot Five should've been there for. 

Like Vanya’s university graduation. 

The paragraph in the book is short. Sweet, and to the point. She doesn’t waste time on it. It’s over. 

Five should’ve been there for it. 

There's a passage at the end of the book he gets to. 

I suppose people want some grand ending here. Some words that will conclude my story. But there's none of that here. Least of all for me.

Oh god Vanya. He could cry.. 

And he’ll remember it forever, the moment he turns through those last few pages of information he cares little for. Remember forever, seeing this beautiful woman, with brown hair and eyes. Her pale skin flawless. The way she smiled lightly into the camera. Face still gripped with sadness even as her photo was taken. 

Vanya. 

At twenty five. 

Twenty five and alone, miserable and sad and lonely. 

Because Vanya didn’t have anyone 

Because Five left her. 

Things should've been different. 

It's his fault things are like this. 

“Vanya,” He calls out, as if she can hear him, as if she’s alive to hear him. He wants to say her name. 

“Vanya!” It comes out more choked this time. Her name has so much emotion to it. His best friend's name that he’ll remember even when he’s walked all the way around the world to the place he first began. His partner’s name. The name of the women who could have been so much. The name of the person he was supposed to protect the most. The name of the woman who he left, like an idiot. 

“Vanya!” And maybe he’s crying a little. He's frustrated, god. He’s such a dickhead. How could he do that to her. How could he simply leave her. With not thought. How could he fucking abandon her. 

How could he leave her like that. In a house of people who cared so little for her. In a house where she was always looked over by everyone. 

How could- how- 

There’s nothing he can do now though. Tears begin to slip down his face. Five sniffles and calls her name again. 

“Vanya!” 

He can't change what happened.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr: https://theum-breadacalamy.tumblr.com/


End file.
